Don't Choose Joy

One of my favourite parts of the book of Ruth in the Bible is when Naomi returns to the land of Israel, impoverished, having lost her husband and both sons, with only Ruth, one of her daughters-in-law as companion. Upon arriving back in Bethlehem, the residents questioned, “Can this be Naomi?” Naomi responds, “Don’t call me Naomi (which means pleasant). Call me Mara (which means bitter), for the Almighty has made my life bitter!” (Ruth 1). She is figuratively, if not literally, shaking her fist at God and blaming Him for the calamities that she has experienced. There’s no record that God condemns her anger, and if you finish the story (it’s only 4 short chapters), you’ll find that God blesses her and she, of course, does not stay angry. I find this story encouraging because it reminds me that God understands my sorrow, grief, anger and pain, that He does not judge me for expressing those feelings. He does not expect me to “just get over it”. He does not call for me to “choose joy” in the midst of my grief.
Jesus was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief (Isaiah 53:3), so it’s not a sin to feel the depths of my sorrow and pain and express them.
Jesus wept (John 11:35), so I can go ahead and cry my heart out and sob with gut-wrenching, soul-crushing sobs.
I can scream and shake my fist at God, if I need to. His shoulders are broad enough to take it. He is not put off by my anger. He knows and understands. And in order to experience full healing, He knows I need to allow myself to go through the grieving process. Therefore, He does not call me to “choose joy” in my time of sorrow. 
The Bible says, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Psalm 30:5b. The long night of grief and pain may seem to last forever, but just as the day dawns gradually, so, too, our grief will lift, our pain will heal – gradually. We don’t have to choose joy. It will come – in small bursts, as the healing comes, and as it gradually dawns towards fullness of joy in the resurrection morning

Unfinished Projects

 "Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ." 
Philippians 1:6 NKJV

Unfinished Place Mat

It's fair season and I've been working like a machine, trying to get projects completed in time to enter in the fairs. There's the local fair in the town I live in, plus a couple of other fairs in nearby smaller communities. Three fairs, and because the one in town, which is a 5-day fair, overlaps the other two., which are one day fairs, anything I entered in the one in town could not be entered in either of the other two. And while I had quite a few projects finished, and while many of the entries in the smaller two fairs could be duplicates, there were still classes for which I wanted to make projects. And so I was making, and making. And I got down to the wire for making projects for the final fair and I just couldn't do it. Insomnia is a serious problem for me and while I sometimes do end up working on projects in the middle of the night because I'm wide awake anyway, I don't want to plan to do it deliberately. So I gave myself permission to not enter every class that I wanted to. As it was, I had 19 entries in the fair in town, and 18 each in the other two. 
And I have some unfinished projects left over. In addition to the above place mats (a set of four), I began an applique pillow cover and a wall hanging, with plans to also make a tree skirt. But I have a lot more unfinished projects than that. We call them UFOs in the crafting world, which stands for unfinished objects. Also WIPs for works in progress (I loosely define the difference by whether or not I've worked on the project in the last year. If I have, then it's a WIP. If I haven't it's a UFO). I do plan to finish them all eventually, if the Lord tarries, and I live long enough. I don't like unfinished projects. But I also get bored/distracted easily and move onto something new. It's a fault, I know (though recently my daughter and I were discussing our and my grandson's symptoms of ADHD/ADD, so that could be the issue). So, it takes self-discipline to see a project through to the end. And though I'm generally quite pleased with the final results and happy to have a project finished, it's getting there that is the challenge.
We are all works in progress. In the pressure cooker of life, God is working on developing our character, if we allow Him to, and making us better people, more like Him. But, unlike me, God doesn't get bored or distracted. As long as we cooperate by surrendering to Him, we will never become unfinished objects, neglected in a dusty corner somewhere. And like some of my projects that involve meticulous, painstaking work, there may sometimes appear to be little progress in our lives. But some tasks require more time and patience. And, as the opening Bible verse states,  "He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ." That's a promise! He will continue to work in our lives, as long as we allow Him to, so that we will be ready to meet Him when Jesus comes again!

Who Can We Trust?

Recently I looked at a review for a quilting book I was considering purchasing. The author of the review stated that there were no instructions for a certain section of one of the quilts and so she just had to figure it out for herself. That would be incredibly frustrating. It made me think twice about whether or not I actually wanted to buy the book. If there were problems with the instructions for this one quilt, how do I know that there aren't similar problems throughout the book.

I have been working on a knitted afghan from a book I own. In the picture, it shows the pattern throughout the afghan, but the instructions indicate that you are to work 8 rows in the pattern followed by 4 rows of knitting. I don't want the bands of knitting in between the rows of pattern. I want it like it is in the picture. So I'm skipping the 4 rows of knitting. 

Many patterns have errors and inaccuracies. After all the authors are just human. Most patterns have errata published after the fact. You can often find them online. But if you've tried and struggled with a pattern, only to give up in frustration and then later to find the errata, it can be quite aggravating. It can result in lost time, lost yarn and therefore lost money. 

But ultimately, how important are these things in the light of eternity? Yes, it can cause frustration and aggravation. And it's certainly wise to check out the reviews on a product/pattern before we purchase or try it in order to avoid these annoyances. But it's far more important that we find who or what we can trust in the spiritual realm, which will determine our eternal destiny. This is not something we should leave to chance. It's one thing to hope that a new pattern designer had pattern testers evaluate their instructions to verify their accuracy. It's quite another to just hope that your source of spiritual truth is trustworthy. Especially if that source is just another erring - and sinful - human being. We all make mistakes - sometimes inadvertently, sometimes calculating and deliberate. And we need a source to verify whether another human being is presenting spiritual truth.

So who or what is the pattern tester to determine the veracity of truth? The Bible says in Isaiah 8:20, "To the law and to the testimony: if they speak not according to this word, it is because there is no light in them." Or, as the New Living Translation puts it, "Look to God’s instructions and teachings! People who contradict his word are completely in the dark." And John 17:7 states, "Thy word is truth." God's word, the Bible, is the guide by which we should test all teachings. If a teaching contradicts His word, it's "darkness," as Isaiah 8:20 says. Psalm 119:105 tells us, "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." The Bible is a trustworthy light on our pathway to peace, to heaven, to Jesus. And there is no errata for that Pattern. 

May God guide you on the pathway to truth.

For more information on this topic, see Is There Anything Left You Can Trust?

You Snooze, You Lose

Last year, I crocheted and knitted cowls for Christmas gifts. I created a special album on facebook and tagged all of the recipients who were on facebook in this album. As I finished each cowl, I posted pictures of it to this album so that the recipients could view it and think about which one they would like for their own. Each cowl was unique. There were some I liked better than others, and some I didn't really like much at all, so I wouldn't pretend to know which one each individual recipient would want. Or they, like me, might decide they didn't want one at all. How was I to know without their input? The recipients, with one exception, lived in another state or province, but one, I'll call her "Susan," actually visited during the summer and I showed her the cowls I had completed, so she knew about this project "in person." When the cowls were completed, I then tagged the recipients in a comment on the album on November 28, as well as sent an email to those for whom I had email addresses, requesting their choices by December 4 in order to package them and get them in the mail in time for Christmas. 
Now let me tell you a little bit about Susan: she's one of the world's fussiest gift recipients. She has returned a large percentage of the gifts she has received. It's at the point where her immediate family members often buy her gift cards for most gift-giving occasions in order to avoid the inevitable returns. So, she was the last person for whom I would have chosen a cowl without her input. After all my work in creating them, I didn't want hers languishing on a shelf or not being appreciated because it wasn't her colour or style. Or even resented. So I needed her input. And she was tagged in the album and the comment on facebook, as well as receiving an email and being aware of the project from her summer visit. But I didn't get a response from her.
All of the recipients who had responded got their cowls in time for Christmas. 
On December 22, there was a family funeral. I, being over 3,000 km away, did not attend. But a couple of the recipients did, one of whom actually wore her cowl to the funeral, and made a point of showing it to Susan and telling her she needed to go on facebook and let me know which one she wanted. Her response, "I almost never go on facebook." This recipient told me what she had done, so I waited to hear from Susan. She didn't call, email or facebook message me the day of the funeral, or for the remainder of that week. She didn't even call me on Christmas day to wish me a Merry Christmas and say, "Oh, by the way, this is the cowl I'd like and sorry I took so long to respond." I could only conclude that she didn't want a cowl. 
I had to decide what I was going to do with the remaining cowls. I didn't want them sitting around forever. I had decided I didn't want one. And for the intended recipients who didn't respond, though I had toyed with the idea of selecting one myself and mailing it on, how did I know for sure that they even wanted one, since I didn't? And one of the intended recipients was the subject of December's funeral. Then I remembered that one of the antique malls I frequent has a donation box for a homeless centre. I already had plans for a get-together in the city on December 27 with my buddy, Phil. So I suggested that we visit the antique mall on that day. 
On the morning of the 27th, I checked my email and my facebook account before leaving for the city. I wanted to give Susan one last chance to choose a cowl if she wanted one. Obviously, she didn't. And so the remaining cowls were donated to the homeless. And I posted that in a comment on the facebook album that evening. 
On January 3rd, I got a phone call from Susan. She wanted to request a cowl. She made her excuses that she never goes on facebook and she rarely looks at that email account because she gets so much junk in it (neglecting the fact that she never informed me she was using a different email, and not acknowledging that she had been reminded about the cowls in person at the funeral nearly 2 weeks previously) and that she figured I would just pick one I thought she would like and send it to her. Oh? Too late, I had to tell her. And while I did say that I might make her a cowl if I get the chance this year, that's not likely to happen. I have too many other projects on my agenda. And I already made her one. It was her procrastination that caused her to miss out on it. 
But really, missing out on a cowl is not a big deal. It certainly is not going to negatively impact one's quality of life. And definitely will not affect where one spends eternity. However, procrastinating about one's personal salvation is a much more serious matter. Susan was disappointed to not get a cowl, but putting off surrendering our hearts to Jesus can cost us heaven. We may rationalize that we can "enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season," (Hebrews 11:25), and still have time to make things right with God. But not a one of us knows when our lives will end. Or even how long our cognitive abilities will last, to be able to make a decision for Christ. And each time we put it off actually hardens our hearts to the possibilty of making that decision in the future. 
Susan assumed that the cowls would still be there when she got around to asking for one. But she was wrong. Don't be wrong about asking for salvation, don't put it off. "Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation." 2 Corinthians 6:2. 
Our Lord Jesus is returning soon, but "no one knows the day or the hour," (Matthew 24:36 NLV). "Therefore, you also be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect." Matthew 24:44 NKJV. 
You might not want a cowl, but you won't want to miss out on salvation. 

Taking a Rock to Church

This morning I took a rock to church. 

No, I wasn't planning on stoning someone. <grin> I was supposed to be giving the children's story during the church service and it was one of the illustrations for my story. During Sabbath School, however, one of the church members became ill and I, being a nurse, was called upon to render my services. I don't think a nurse was required, but when one is ill, somehow having a nurse nearby is a comforting thought to many. So I ended up being otherwise occupied during the church service and asked my niece to substitute for me as a last minute stand-in for the children's story. Which she did willingly. And my rock just sat abandoned on my pew until I could retrieve it after the church service when the ailing church member was taken home by her husband. 
It seems altogether too often that things don't go as we hoped, planned or dreamed. As the poet Robert Burns said,
The best laid schemes o' mice an' men
Gang aft a-gley. [often go awry] 
And while not being able to use my rock for children's story was of no great consequence, there are many unachieved goals that are far more significant. I can look back over my own life and acknowledge that I've had my share of crushed dreams, disppointed hopes and derailed plans. As a prime example, when I was walking down the aisle nearly 29 years ago, I planned on a life of wedded bliss, not the frequently miserable existence of emotional abuse into which it devolved. Life holds many surprises, not all of them pleasant. Along life's road are many forks, detours and hairpin curves. And sometimes, it's difficult not to lose our way. But we have the assurance when our lives seem to get off track, 
If you stray to the right or the left, you will hear a word that comes from behind you: “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21 CEB
Our heavenly Father knows the end from the beginning (Isaiah 46:10) and He has a plan for each one of our lives. And even when life seems to be taking us through a detour, He knows how to get us back to the right road. We have His promise:
We know that God works all things together for good for the ones who love God, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 CEB
Even when we cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel and question whether there actually is an end to the tunnel, we know that He is there with us in the darkness.
For Thou art my lamp, O Lord; and the Lord will lighten my darkness. 2 Samuel 22:29
I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. Hebrews 13:5
So when life forces us off the road at a hairpin curve, He will give us strength to get back on the road and keep on going.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 NKJV
My life has definitely not been perfect. No, far from it. But as John Newton said, "Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home."

In a Better Place, Part 1

That's what we say about the deceased when we're trying to comfort and console ourselves and others, that they're "in a better place." No more pain, no more suffering in that better place. But how do we know that? On what do we base our assumptions that there is a better place and pretty well everyone that dies is "in a better place." Does everyone get to go there? And if everyone gets to go there, would it really be a better place? 
This particular post will not be about the place, but about who actually goes there. 
If you follow my blog, you know that I believe the Bible is the only reliable source for truth, so, to quote an evangelist from 40 years ago,

What says the Bible, the blessed Bible?

This my only question be. 

The teachings of men so often mislead us.

What says the Bible to me?

Let's start with what is probably the most well-known verse in the Bible, John 3:16: "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." (NKJV). This verse shows not only the love of God, but also the gift of that love, everlasting life through His Son. It presents a contrast between perishing and everlasting life. This dichotomy is also found in Romans 6:23:

I get paid wages in my job. It's what I work for. While I do enjoy my work, I probably wouldn't be willing to do it if I didn't get paid for it. It's what I have coming to me. Based on Romans 6:23, as a sinner, death is what I have coming to me. Some might balk at that and think, "I'm not a sinner. I'm a good person." Some of us seem to think if we aren't out and out criminals, we're not sinners. But whose definition of good or sinner are we going to use? The Bible says, "No one is good, but one. That is God." Matt. 19:17 NKJV. "There is none righteous, no not one." Romans 3:10 and "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23 NKJV. So, we are all sinners, deserving of death. 

How then do we get eternal life "in a better place?" Both John 3:16 and Romans 6:23 make it clear that it is only through Jesus Christ. Furthermore, Acts 4:12 states "Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men whereby we might be saved." There is no other route to heaven, only through Jesus Christ. 

But how do we avail ourselves of this gift? Jesus Himself said, "Unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God." John 3:3 NKJV. And how is one born again? First of all we need to acknowledge that we are sinners (Romans 3:23). We need to repent of the wrong things we have done (Acts 2:38), and ask God's forgiveness of them. Finally, we need to ask Jesus to live in our hearts and make us the people He wants us to be (Romans 6). 

And that's how we get to live "in a better place." It's not by being a "good person." It's not by our church membership. It's not by trying really hard and hoping for the best. Not everyone is going there, but we can all choose to be there by accepting Jesus into our hearts.

Need more info? The wonderful book, Steps to Christ, can be downloaded as a pdf or audio here. Or you can read the Bible Study guide, Get to Know Jesus. 

Picking Scabs

Yes, I know: that's a gross title for this post. But you have to admit, we've all done it as children. Even though our mothers told us not to. And even though the result was usually a painful sore which is open and bleeding all over again. Some people pick scabs throughout their lives. And some pick as a result of a mental imbalance or dementia. But as our mothers told us, it's really not a good idea. However, in my nursing practice I do a lot of wound care, and sometimes as part of aiding the wound healing process, I do pick scabs. I can hear generations of mothers gasping in horror, but sometimes it is in the best interests of that wound to have the scab removed. A scab can actually slow down the healing process. I need a moist open wound bed for proper healing to take place. A scab is dry and crusty. Now I am not recommending that everyone start picking their scabs. On the contrary. You can do more harm than good. Even for a professional like me, picking scabs can be a delicate business. I need to remove it in such a way as to prevent bleeding, which will only lead to another scab, avoid further pain as much as possible, and not remove healthy tissue along with the scab. 
Reproving someone is kind of like picking scabs. There are definitely times when it needs to be done. As a matter of fact, the Bible even instructs us to "reprove, rebuke, exhort." 2 Timothy 4:2, but it's something that must be done delicately and knowledgeably, lest we leave a painful, bleeding wound. The rest of this verse says "with all longsuffering and doctrine," or "Do this with great patience and careful teaching." (ERV). Reproving, like picking scabs, should never be done with impatience or agression, and it should always be accompanied by patient teaching in the correct course to take. And just as a nurse evaluates whether picking the scab is the best course to take, or whether it should be referred to a physician for debriding, so, too, if we feel someone needs to be reproved, we need to evaluate if it's our work or if we should refer it in prayer to the Holy Spirit. After all, Jesus said that it is the Holy Spirit's job to "reprove the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment." John 16:8. Let's make sure we are not trying to do the Holy Spirit's job. Let's not wound unnecessarily someone that we should be trying to heal. 

Doublespeak

Recently, due to budgetary constraints, the organization that I work for had a re-structuring in management. They were supposed to be eliminating some of the top (and apparently unnecessary) positions. But, not to worry: eliminating these positions was not going to cost anything in severance packages, because the individuals involved would be re-deployed elsewhere in the organization. What? Their positions are unnecessary and being eliminated as a cost-saving measure, but they're going to be given different positions within the organization. How is that saving any money? Did I miss something here? Or am I just thinking too hard and I'm not meant to recognize the inconsistency in this re-structuring? 
That's not the only example of this inconsistency, but probably one of the most glaring ones. I'm beginning to feel like I walked into a George Orwell book. "All employees are equal, but some are more equal than others." (adapted from Animal Farm). And, of course, it's not just my place of employment that's guilty of this "doublespeak." Many corporations do it, governments do it. Even churches do it. It's not outright lying. It's just twisting the truth in such a way as to make it say something other than what it really means. 
And if you try to dispute a decision that's made in the upper echelons, it's impossible because no one takes responsibility for making that decision. Nevertheless, you must implement it because the "powers that be" said so, even if you believe it to be one of the stupidest decisions ever. There's no accountability, no transparency, and for the "average joe," no recourse if you believe things should be done differently. And the management wonders why they don't have an "engaged" workforce...
Who do you trust? I, personally, do not have a whole lot of faith in people at the top, no matter what organization. As John Dalberg-Acton said, "Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely." It's my observation that, as a general rule, the more power someone has, the more he/she tends to think of him/herself as infallible, above question. But I do question. God gave me a brain and I intend to use it. I see things that don't add up and don't make sense and I question why. But vocalizing my questions and concerns doesn't usually change anything. Instead, the "powers that be" get angry and defensive and accusatory when they are questioned. Because what the "powers that be" fail to understand or accept is that they are not infallible, their judgments are not beyond question. They are not God.   
And only God is absolutely infallible. And only God is absolutely trustworthy. Because only God is absolute Love. And God is never threatened in any way if we question Him. There's no doublespeak with Him, because He is also absolute Truth. 
I place my faith in Him because He has proven Himself to me over and over. I don't always understand His dealings in my life, or in the world, but I can question Him without fear of recrimination. And because He has proven His love for me, I know I can trust Him even when I don't understand. 

Flowers for Nothing

Recently one of my friends was given two dozen roses by the man in her life. It wasn't her birthday. It wasn't Valentine's Day. It wasn't an anniversary or any other special occasion. It was just because... For no reason, other than that he cares about her and was thinking of her. While I was very happy for her, I couldn't help but feel a little bit envious as well. I only recall one occasion when I was given flowers for nothing, and it made me feel confused and uncomfortable because the giver was not someone I expected or desired flowers from. I've had more than my share of people in my life that are happy to take, but reluctant to give. Or people that give with an ulterior motive. Personally, I like to give gifts "just because." I hope it makes the recipient feel special, acknowledged, affirmed. But I also appreciate it when someone reciprocates as well.
I have to admit that my life, like many people's, can be challenging. I am a very giving person, and work in a giving profession. All too often what I give or do is not acknowledged or appreciated. It would be nice to have someone in my life to give me flowers - or other gifts - for nothing. Just because. 
But wait a minute - don't I get gifts, don't we all get gifts, for nothing, every day? A beautiful sunset, a purring cat, my grandson's smile, a bird's song, fluffy pure white snow, lilacs. They are all gifts from our Heavenly Father just because He loves us. He could have made the world ugly and grey. He didn't have to make flowers of so many varieties and colours. They could have all been fungus. All animals could have been warthogs. But He created this world with variety and beauty. Just because. So, next time you're feeling blue, undervalued, unappreciated, look for the beauty in nature. some serendipity, and know that God has sent you a gift "just because." 

(One of Damian's favourites, and though it's for children, it's a message we all need to remember).

Love in Spite of

I love cats. Always have, always will. But I don't deny that they can be downright obnoxious sometimes. I didn't really think about how obnoxious my current two are until my daughter and grandson moved in. My cats yell at night. Not all night or every night, but frequently enough to be, as I said, obnoxious. It was annoying before, but now I have to worry about them waking up Sophia and Damian. And they can be pretty loud. I have no idea why they think it's necessary or acceptable to do this. Tinker has never really liked any other cat but Midget, who is now deceased. So she's hostile to Mystery, who is really a very laid-back, good-natured cat. Sometimes she'll swat at him when he jumps on the bed, which is often near my face: scary. I've actually gotten scratched before. If she's lying on or near my legs and feet, she frequently growls if I move them. One time I was lying on the couch and she was sleeping on my chest. I don't know if she had a bad dream or what, but she suddenly woke up and swatted my face. Drew blood, too. Mystery will sometimes chase Tinker, just for the fun of it, but she yells like she's being murdered. I know she's not. Mystery is too good-natured to do anything with malicious intent, even though she might deserve it. Both cats like to demand my attention in the middle of the night. That's right. They'll get on the bed when I'm trying to sleep and demand to be petted. They'll paw at me, sometimes claw at me. And Tinker meows. She's incredibly vocal. Mystery likes to sleep on a pillow, which often results in me getting a face full of fluff when I roll over. In the past, I have resorted to closing my bedroom door when I really need a good, uninterrupted night's sleep. But now that Damian and Sophia live here, I'm afraid the cats would wake them up instead if I closed the door. So I suffer through it. During the day, if I sit down, one or both of them thinks he/she needs to be on my lap. When it's both of them, then there's trouble. I have shared my lap with more than one cat before, but Tinker won't stand for that. I have nicknamed her the velcro kitty, because she tries to stick to my lap even while I'm trying to get up. And she gets very insulted that I should actually want to get up. Mystery will yell at me when I come home for lunch. He's well loved and fed (too well fed), so I really don't know what he's yelling about. It's really frustrating when I'm trying to get my lunch and he's underfoot yelling at me. For no good reason. I remember one time when he yelled for pretty well the whole hour I was home. At least it seemed like it. 
I put up with a lot from my cats. And love them still. In spite of their annoying habits, I still love them and they are very precious to me. 
Really, that's very similar to how God feels about us. In spite of our sinful, annoying, frustrating, obnoxious behaviours, He still loves us. He puts up with a lot from us because He loves us and He sees in us something worth redeeming. 
Sometimes I get sick of myself. I get frustrated, annoyed and angry with some of the things I do. There might even be times when I'm ready to give up on myself. But just like I never give up on my cats, God never gives up on me. He loves me in spite of my sinful habits. And through Jesus, He wants to change those sinful habits to make me more like Him. 

A Different Perspective

Working on my pixel quilt, I felt frustrated and disappointed that it looks more like a random bunch of different coloured squares of fabric than the Bluenose II. I want it to be recognizable. It's a lot of work and I want to be pleased with the results. And then I took a picture of my progress. Looking at the quilt through the camera's lens gave me a different perspective and I could see the development of the clouds and the tops of the sails and I was much happier. Pixel quilts need to be viewed from a distance in order to get the effect of the pixels coming together to form a picture. I only needed the right perspective. 
Our lives can be like pixel quilts. We can be trudging through life, feeling unloved and unsuccessful, a disappointment to ourselves, to others and to God. Sometimes we wonder how we'll ever make it to heaven, because we keep falling and failing. Like the pixel quilt, our lives appear to be a random mess, frustrating and disappointing. It can even lead to disgust and despair. But that is looking at our lives through our own eyes. God has a different perspective. One of my favourite Christian authors (Ellen G. White) writes: "(Christ) knew that the life of His trusting disciples would be like His, a series of uninterrupted victories, not seen to be such here, but recognized as such in the great hereafter." The Desire of Ages , page 679. I don't know about you, but I certainly don't see my life as a "series of uninterrupted victories," But that apparently is how God sees it, because when I am surrendered to Jesus, it's Jesus that is seen, and not me. And He gives me the victory. Zechariah, chapter 3, tells this story: "Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the Angel of the Lord, and Satan standing at his right hand to oppose him. And the Lord said to Satan, 'The Lord rebuke you, Satan! The Lord who has chosen Jerusalem rebuke you! Is this not a brand plucked from the fire?” Now Joshua was clothed with filthy garments, and was standing before the Angel. Then He answered and spoke to those who stood before Him, saying, “Take away the filthy garments from him.” And to him He said, “See, I have removed your iniquity from you, and I will clothe you with rich robes.” ' (verses 1-4). Joshua represents us. The filthy garments represent our sins, our attempts at doing good, trying to earn our own way to heaven. And the rich robes represent Jesus' righteousness, which He grants to us if we surrender to Him. 
Furthermore, as Ellen White states, "It is not the will of our heavenly Father that we should be ever under condemnation and darkness. There is no evidence of true humility in going with the head bowed down and the heart filled with thoughts of self. We may go to Jesus and be cleansed, and stand before the law without shame and remorse. “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” Romans 8:1" The Great Controversy, page 477.
1 John 1: 9 tells us, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
So rejoice! We have a Saviour who loves us, who cleanses us and gives us the rich robes of His righteousness. And makes our lives a series of uninterrupted victories through faith in His name. And that's looking at things from God's perspective.
 

The Agony of Separation

This is a horrible, painful weekend. For the first time since my daughter and grandson came to live with me, my grandson is spending the weekend with his father. The apple of my eye, the joy and delight of my heart is spending the whole weekend in an environment that is not the best nor the safest for a child, based on what my daughter has told me. I tried to convince her that she didn't have to allow this to happen. But she didn't want to deprive her son of seeing his father or vice versa, especially since it was his father's birthday. I believe my grandson's father frightened her into it, saying, "I don't want to have to go to court and see you lose custody." Not that that's ever going to happen. But she's afraid the courts will look unfavourably on her because she doesn't currently have a job. And nothing I can say can convince her otherwise. <sigh> So we are left to endure the agony of being separated from her son, not knowing how well he's being taken care of or if he's being treated well, what's going to happen to him if he's fussy or cries during the night. I hardly slept last night. This is so incredibly painful. I'm just surviving until Sunday night when we get him back. But will the father willingly part with him? I am only enduring by surrendering my grandson into the hands of the Lord, claiming my Heavenly Father's protection for my precious little man. 
In my distress, it has occurred to me that God endured the same thing in sending His Son to die for me. As omniscient, He knew in advance the abuse that would be heaped upon His Son, the horrible death He would die. And witness the agony of His Son in the Garden of Gethsemane, the agony of separation from His Father, when He cried out, "Father, if it is possible, take this cup away from Me." (see Matthew 26:36-45).
If there was anything, short of committing a crime, I could have reasonably done to prevent my grandson's separation from us yesterday, I would have. In all likelihood, he will be returned to us safe and sound on Sunday evening, hopefully none the worse for wear. Even so, if I could, I would never allow it to happen again. I am not willing to surrender my grandson to the dangers of being in that environment.
But God chose to send Jesus, knowing that abuse and death would be the outcome. Jesus did return to His Father, but both He and His Father had to endure unimaginable agony during Jesus' sojourn here. Yet God (Father, Son & Spirit) willingly endured it out of love for me. And you. Isaiah 53:11 says "He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied." And that is unfathomable love!

 

Stand Still!

I'm a bit of a Type A personality, the kind of person who likes to get things done, solve problems, fix things (having said all that, I also readily admit that I can also be very lazy at times, but that's a topic for another time...). When a problem presents itself, I think, ponder, mull, research, until I can figure out how to resolve it. Often I come up with several ideas, some better than others. But sometimes, I'm frustrated because I can't seem to come up with a workable solution. And so I will continue to explore different ideas, trying some, tossing others. But I also want issues to be resolved ASAP.
Right now, there's an issue that needs to be resolved for my daughter and I. And the sooner the better. As I was thinking and praying about it, I was scrolling through some favourite Bible texts that I have stored on my Android tablet, and one that the Lord really impressed me with was 2 Chronicles 20:17: "Ye shall not need to fight in this battle: set yourselves, stand ye still, and see the salvation of the Lord."  On this particular occasion, a massive army, composed of three different nations, was coming to fight against God's people. God's people turned to Him in prayer, and this was His answer. And they did not need to fight in the battle because the different nations composing the enemy army ended up fighting one another and destroying each other. There's another occasion when God's people are told to stand still. Exodus 14:13, 14: "And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which He will shew to you to day: for the Egyptians whom ye have seen to day, ye shall see them again no more for ever. The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace." This was at the Red Sea. God's people had recently escaped slavery in Egypt. They were travelling with women, children and livestock and were in no way prepared for a battle. Suddenly, the Egyptians showed up prepared to fight to recapture their slaves and the Israelites cried out in terror. The Red Sea in front of them, the Egyptians behind them: what were they going to do? Nothing! Again, they didn't need to fight this battle. God opened the Red Sea, they went through. The Egyptians tried to follow them, and were drowned in the Red Sea. 
While God certainly expects me to do my part, - the Israelites wouldn't have been saved if they hadn't gone forward through the opening in the Red Sea - too often I take upon myself too much responsibility for the outcome. And get impatient when things don't get resolved according to my timeline. Based on these Bible stories, I need to quit trying to fix things myself, get out of the way and let God work. The solution is not dependent on my intellectual brilliance (or lack thereof). Sometimes the answer is to just stand still and watch God work.

A Sound Mind

On April 1st of this year, it will be 15 years since I moved to Alberta. Add to that the year I lived in BC ('94-'95) and the two years I lived in Saskatchewan ('95-'97) and I will have lived 18 years of my adult life away from my home province. Assuming one becomes an adult at age 18 (which is debatable), subtracted from my current age of 54, I have been an adult for 36 years, which means I have spent half of my adult life living outside of Ontario. During those years, my desire to return to my home province has waxed and waned. BC was the only province, other than Ontario, where I felt content to stay for the long term. However, I only lived there for one year, so that could have changed if I'd stayed there longer. During the past 6-12 months, I have felt Ontario's tug on my heart strings grow stronger and stronger. My parents are gone. My brother is gone. Who knows how much longer I have with my remaining siblings? Life has no guarantees. I miss them, being able to see them regularly, getting together on the holidays. I also miss my home province. I miss fall colours. I miss being able to buy fruit direct from the orchard. I miss milder winters. I just plain miss Ontario. The last time I was there, I had a really hard time returning to Alberta. So, I have actually started exploring the possibility of moving back. I have already started the process of reactivating my Ontario nursing registration. But I'm still not sure. The economy continues to lag in Ontario. I have a good job here. I own my house. There's a lot to consider. For interest's sake, go to Google Maps and see how far it is from Edmonton to Toronto: 3473 km or 2158 miles. That's an astounding distance to move. And I know from personal experience that it's neither cheap nor easy. I've moved from Ontario to BC, BC to Saskatchewan, Saskatchewan to Ontario and Ontario to Alberta. I'm really not in a hurry to do it again. And I own more stuff, I think, than I ever did. But Ontario is calling me...
Meanwhile my daughter has moved back home with her son. She wants to be a health care aide to be able to support herself and her son, but shift work and single motherhood are not a good combination. She has custody issues and child support issues to settle. And how do she and Damian fit in with my plans to move to Ontario? I wish I could fix her life for her, come up with the right solutions to get her back on her feet again and her life going in the right direction. But I can't and it frustrates me. And I'm confused. And I haven't been sleeping well at night, which only adds to my stress. 
Then suddenly I realized that these aren't my problems to solve. I don't have to fix all of these things myself. As a matter of fact, my trying to fix things on my own might just make them more complicated. I just need to get out of God's way so that He can resolve things in His own way and time. Jesus said, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30. The Bible also tells us to "Cast... all your care upon Him; for He careth for you." 1 Peter 5:7. Finally, when all of these problems and issues are driving me crazy, I need to remember that "God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7. I can trust Him. He knows the end from the beginning and He has a solution. I can keep a "sound mind," a peaceful mind, knowing that He is in charge and has all of the answers, so I don't have to.

One Precious Gift

Thanks be unto God for His unspeakable gift.

2 Corinthians 9:15

My daughter and I were estranged. I don't really understand why or how and it certainly wasn't my choice. I'm sure there were reasons that made sense to her, but my efforts to make amends fell flat and it was devastating to me. I tried to reach out to reconnect with her, to find out what was wrong, what I could do to mend fences and build bridges, but got nowhere. I have a 15-month-old grandson that I had only seen twice, and that only at my initiative. It was a living grief, probably the greatest grief I have ever experienced. It was soul-deep pain that nothing could relieve. I could only survive by keeping it surrendered to the Lord and asking His help in bearing it.

Then suddenly that all changed. It happened so fast that I'm still having a hard time taking it in. Two weeks ago, my daughter and grandson moved in with me. It was the most precious Christmas gift I could have ever asked for.  I get to see my grandson on a daily basis, to cuddle, to kiss, to play with, to enjoy getting to know and love. I get to be a mother to my daughter again, to support and encourage her through a difficult time of transition. This is a most precious gift and I can never thank God enough.

But there is a gift even more precious, one that is available to you and to me, to everyone. It was given on that long ago day in Bethlehem. It was the gift of God's dear Son, Jesus Christ, who was born in a stable and died on a cross to pay for our salvation.  And that is the most precious Christmas gift of all. 

Whiter than Snow

I love a new snow, how pure and clean it looks, how unsullied.

Unmarred by a single track, is there anything so perfect? Is there anything whiter than snow? Or even as white as snow? Certainly not polar bears. You've probably seen pictures of polar bears like this one, where the bears look rather yellowish.


Even Mystery, my "pure white" cat, is really not pure white

 compared to the snow (LOL - yes, I admit my picture editing talents are very amateur).

Cotton, in its natural state, is not "pure white."

Pulp must be bleached in order to make "pure white" paper.
 
The same can be said about our character in our own attempts at "being good." The Bible says, "There is none that doeth good, no, not one." Psalm 53:3. "There is none righteous, no, not one." Romans 3:10. And "we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags." Isaiah 64:6. Kind of like snow in the city streets or at the side of a highway: brown/grey and gritty - nothing pure and white about that. And once that snow is brown and gritty, there's nothing we can do to make it white again, is there? And it's the same way with our characters. We have stained our characters with the wrong things we do: thoughts, actions, words. And we can not clean them up, not on our own. But God has promised, "Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." Isaiah 1:18. And King David prayed, "Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow." Psalm 51:7. Whiter than snow? Yes, Lord Jesus, I want my character to be whiter than snow, as only You can make it.