Log Canada Quilt and an Insulated Backpack

 

As my vacation to Ontario approached, I was madly scrambling to get 2 projects completed: the Log Canada quilt for my sister Nancy, and an insulated backpack that I wanted for taking our lunches when we took road trips while there. I was also hoping to get my sister Therese's quilt finished as well, but one can only accomplish so much in the time one has. 

I actually already owned an insulated backpack cooler, but it's too big for what I wanted and I didn't want to try squashing it into my luggage, or using it as my carry on. But I had plenty of "adventure" making this backpack and I can't honestly say I would ever make another one. 
I've used this pattern before, when I made Damian's Dino Backpack. But this time, in addition to the layer of foam stabilizer, I also added a layer of Insul-Bright. I quilted the layers together using the Christy's Fanfare pantograph.

I wanted a dense quilting design because it would help keep all the layers together when I started cutting the pieces for the pattern. And Christy's Fanfare is definitely dense quilting. And labour-intensive. And I can't imagine ever using it on a whole quilt. But it is certainly a pretty quilting design.
The added layer of Insul-Bright, however, made the sewing part quite challenging. I started the project on my Janome 8200. I was using a 60-weight polyester thread because it was my best colour match. And it broke. And I continued stitching before I realized that it had broken, leaving the thread tangled in the mechanical parts inside the sewing machine. I tried to pull it out using my long-handled serger tweezers, but realized I could do more harm than good if I broke the thread off and the service technician was not even able to figure out where it went. So I packed it up and took it in for repair. It was late May, and I was not likely to get the machine back before I left for Ontario in late June. 
My Brother machine couldn't handle that bulk. My vintage Singers, which are built like tanks, couldn't handle that bulk. 

I hadn't wanted to use the Janome 6000 (which had been my mother's machine) because my daughter had it set up for one of her projects. But I was left with no choice if I wanted to get this bag finished. And I switched to a 40-weight thread.

Thank you, Janome. I was able to finish the bag. 

But even empty, it was actually quite heavy. And I couldn't fit as much into it as I would have liked. 

Certainly not a really big lunch for the three of us. 

And, because it's regular cotton fabric inside, it can get quite damp from the condensation. I had considered lining it with a raincoat fabric, but decided that the moisture might get through the stitches into the inner layers, creating a possible mildew problem. I kind of wish I had, however. Someone in one of my Facebook quilting groups suggested that Pul fabric that's used for diaper coverings, but that might have had the same issue as the raincoat fabric, since it was so densely quilted. If I were to ever do it again, I might try less dense quilting and a water-resistant layer on the inside.But I doubt I will. Too many issues. 
We only ended up using it once for our lunches when we went to Niagara Falls. Then I brought some frozen food back in it in my luggage when we flew back from Ontario. That's when it got really damp, in spite of everything being in a plastic bag. I had to turn it inside out to allow it to dry. I will likely just use it for my own lunch if I go by myself for a hike or something. Or maybe a sew day or quilting class. 
And now for Log Canada: way back for Canada's sesquicentennial (2017), I purchased this book (which is still available, by the way). 

I had originally planned on making my sister Nancy the 2015 Craftsy Block of the Month by Jinny Beyer. I had purchased the kit and it was done in blues with a black background and would suit her bedroom, as described by her daughter. Then Nancy and her husband switched to a king size bed, so I purchased some extra border fabric to make her quilt king-sized. Then her husband asked if I could make a Canada-themed quilt. She is a patriotic Canadian, but is my only sibling that lives in the United States. So, I decided to give Nancy the option of which quilt she would like, and sent pictures. She chose the Log Canada. 

At 72" x 96", the Log Canada quilt was meant to be more of a twin/double-sized quilt with 35 blocks. I had to do some calculations and came up with 64 blocks to make a final size of 108" square. I had 8 different fabrics for the red logs, plus a different red for the maple leaves and another red for the border. The fabric used for the appliqué leaves was also used for the binding. The "white" is actually a tone-on-tone cream. I bought what was left on the bolt and had enough to do the logs, but not quite enough for all of the centre square and I had to use a solid white for a few of them.
I had completed one block, not sure how many years ago. And then made a few more - was it last year, or the year before? Only the first one had the appliqué maple leaf on it, however. I decided to complete all of the blocks and then do the appliqué. 
Log cabin blocks can be tedious enough, especially when you're making 64 of them, but appliquéing 64 little maple leaves was a whole new level of tedium. I had to make a template, trace the template 64 times onto Heat'n'Bond Lite,

press the fusible web shapes onto the fabric,

cut them all out, press them onto the blocks and then stitch them all down. The stitching part was the most tedious because there are lots of points and indents on a maple leaf - lots of changes of direction on the sewing machine. 

But I did manage to get them all done.

I then had to decide what order to put them in.

With 8 different red fabrics for the logs, I tried not to make any block identical to any other. And when I arranged them, I tried not to have the outside log the same fabric as the outside log on the next block.

Once I figured that out, I stitched the blocks together and added the border.

This thing is huge: 108" square, the biggest quilt I've ever made. Audacious was king-sized, but it was only 102" square. And I doubt I will ever make another one this big. I generally only make bed-sized quilts for my siblings (plus my daughter, grandson and me), and the final sibling for whom I have to make a quilt has a queen-sized bed. 

I think I had 9 metres of backing fabric, and I had to clear some floor space to lay it out to cut it into approximately 3 equal lengths. I used the 12" squares on the lino to help me measure. After stitching, labelling and pressing the backing, I was finally able to load it onto the longarm. 

I chose red thread - of course - and Maple Syrup for the quilting design. 

Admittedly, not all of the maple leaves lined up so perfectly in the centres of the white spaces. 

But I still think the quilting turned out great. 

Trimming this huge quilt was the next challenge, followed by binding. 

Over 12 yards of binding!

And then managing all of the bulk of the quilt while stitching the binding in place. But it was done!
I like to take a picture of the full-sized quilt for my records before gifting it. But how and where was I to do it? This one certainly wasn't going to fit on my clothesline! I finally cut off a big enough piece from my roll of vapour barrier, spread it out on the grass, which was still damp from the dew, and grabbed one of my ladders. Hence the ladder legs evident in the bottom of the picture at the top of this post. 
Meanwhile, I had to figure out how to fit this monster into my luggage to take it to Ontario. I had thought ahead and ordered a package of vacuum bags. 

Unfortunately, even after vacuum packing, it didn't quite fit into my carry-on. And it was so stiff after sucking all of the air out of it, that I couldn't even bed the corners to squash it in. 

So, it went into my checked bag instead. 
My sister was absolutely thrilled with it, and I was able to tell her that it was mostly made on our mother's machine (since my 8200 was still in the shop). One more quilt off the list. Now to get Therese's quilt made...

Escaping a Relationship with a Narcissist

This will be a departure from my usual topics in this blog. I don't think I've really talked much about my marriage and my ex-husband. He is still my daughter's father and I don't believe that belabouring his faults is beneficial to anyone. But a few years ago my daughter said to me that she believes that her father is a narcissist. I was kind of taken aback by this concept. He certainly didn't fit the picture of my idea of a narcissist: arrogant, vain, grandiose. But then my daughter pointed out that there is more than one type of narcissist (see The Eight Types of Narcissists), and she believes that he is a covert narcissist. When I did my research, I had to admit that she is likely correct. But, as the author of The Eight Types of Narcissists, Melissa Prosko, Psy.D, points out, "the label is less important than being able to recognize the patterns of behaviors."
But he is not the narcissist that I want to discuss in this post. There is a woman that I have known her entire life. I'm going to call her Romalia. I'm using that name because I don't know anyone by that name, and, of course, that is not her real name. So, if your name is Romalia or you know someone by that name, this is not about them.
Recognizing that she came from a dysfunctional home life and has experienced some pretty bad things, I have extended Romalia a lot of sympathy, compassion and support throughout the years. (Admittedly, I believe some of the "bad things" she claims to have endured are in her imagination, as I have seen her in situations that when she later discussed them didn't sound at all like what I witnessed). And she has, at times when I needed it, extended sympathy, compassion and support to me. She is herself quite dysfunctional, with a lot of mental and emotional health problems, and there have been times when I have found her behaviours and attitudes frustrating and aggravating. I even had occasion to discuss her with my brother who, like me, was a registered nurse. But he specialized in mental health and he had a lot of wisdom and knowledge in that area. He felt that she had a personality disorder and people like that really don't want help. They just want sympathy and attention, but that was the worst thing you could do for them, because it just reinforced the behaviours. 
By nature, I am a sympathetic person. (Or maybe empathetic. I get sick to death of quibbling over the difference between the two words). Regardless, I will admit that I have likely extended far more sympathy to her than was good for her. Something of which I have since repented, and for which I have asked God's forgiveness. 
As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have my own struggles with depression and anxiety. Then losing one of my sisters less than two years ago, almost losing a second sister last year, and losing my cat, Mystery less than a year ago, left me pretty emotionally vulnerable. 
Romalia had been visiting quite regularly - every week or two. Mostly, she'd talk about her struggles, how challenging her life was. And mostly, I'd sit and listen, and sympathize. But as time went on, I started feeling more and more uncomfortable with the direction of our relationship. And I was liking her less and less. I felt that she was using my emotional vulnerability to try to manipulate me into being her emotional support "dog". And yes, I use the term dog, because dogs don't question, confront or criticize. They just slobber you with their undying love, without judgment. And that was what I felt that she wanted in a relationship: someone who would believe everything she said, extend undying sympathy and attention, and support her in her victimhood. Because she appeared to enjoy being a victim. Never mind the people that she has victimized. But, of course, she never does anything wrong - it's always the other person's fault. 
There was an incident where she insulted a good friend of mine. And so this friend confronted her about it. Romalia was in a situation where she had to apologize, but when she spoke to me about it later, I could tell that she really wasn't remorseful, and resented having to apologize. 
Then I had a couple of recent incidents where I confronted her - gently - about things that really weren't major issues, but I felt I should bring them up. Something that a quick "I'm sorry" would have resolved and that would have been the end of it. Unfortunately, she reacted as I expected, not admitting any fault, blowing it out of proportion, blaming and insulting me. Projecting and gaslighting.
After the last incident, I had gone "radio silence" to give myself time to think of what to do or say, if anything at all. By this time, I'd had enough, and I started praying that God would remove her from my life. I knew that confronting her, or trying to have a normal, adult discussion with her would go nowhere. As many years as I have known her, I knew that she seldom, if ever, admitted that she was wrong, that she had any fault or blame. When confronted, she would get defensive, angry and self-justifying, projecting any blame on the individual confronting her. Not apologetic. So, I just wanted her removed from my life. And then she texted me and said, "I'm not angry, you know." As if she was the one that had the right to be angry, after demeaning and insulting me! That just dumbfounded and infuriated me. So, I was praying all the harder. I still cared about this woman, but I just couldn't remain in this toxic relationship any longer. It would be so much easier if God would just give her husband a job in another province - far enough away that I would likely never see her again. Then I wouldn't have to be the "heavy" and end the relationship. Because I knew that if I chose to maintain a relationship with her, I would have to constantly be on my guard to keep her from trying to manipulate and control me. And that is no way to have a relationship.
I started journaling my prayer because I had to work out my frustrations. And through that prayer, God brought clarity to my mind and convinced me that I had to end the relationship. He helped me to see how much she is like my ex-husband. And that was a horrifying thought. 
I texted her and told her that I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who never did anything wrong. She responded by telling me how horrible and un-Christlike I was, etc., etc. And her reply just confirmed that I had done the right thing, no matter how hard it was. 
Since then, I have had time to reflect on our long relationship and recognized that many of the things that she said and did - the backhanded gifts, the disrespect, the passive-aggressive behaviours - were not just stupid, thoughtless acts, but the deliberate attacks of a narcissist. 
I've also had the opportunity to consider the fact that she kept repeating her misbeliefs/unbeliefs/disbeliefs to me, even though we supposedly are members of the same denomination. It made me wonder why she would bring it up more than once, when we had already discussed it. And it made me even more concerned that she was trying to "convert" me to her misbeliefs or verify that I supported them. Or undermine my own faith. 
As I've been reading this book that my daughter lent me (excellent book, by the way), 

I couldn't help but compare Romalia's behaviours with that of cults and cult leaders. And I almost felt that she wanted to have her own mini cult, with me as her disciple. Indeed, on page 194, the author says, "I have seen one-on-one mind control relationships that have been as destructive as some of the world's most powerful and toxic cults... Some dysfunctional relationships... are essentially mini-cults of a few people." And further, on page 303, he states, "Research now strongly suggests that cult leaders, dictators, pimps and human traffickers have one or both of two serious personality disorders: narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or antisocial personaility disorder (more commonly known as psychopathic/sociopathic disorder)."
I have told few people that Romalia and I have parted company. The sad and frustrating thing is that most people just would not understand. I have said on numerous occasions that my ex-husband has a Jekyll and Hyde personality: everyone else got to meet Jekyll and I had to live with Hyde. Unfortunately, the same can be said of Romalia. To the average person, covert narcissists can be very difficult to recognize. To the outside world, they can actually appear to be very nice people, reserving their toxic behaviour for the ones closest to them. As Dr. Prosko points out in Pouring Into an Unfillable Bucket (link below), "we are not wired to detect pathological behavior, such as pathological narcissism. On the surface, many of the behaviors are not alarming….in isolation. The full nature of narcissists may not even be detectable until a later time, and we find ourselves in the relationship before we know what has happened."
Romalia has texted me a couple of times since then. The first was to let me know that her mother-in-law had passed away. I had known her mother-in-law and liked her, so I expressed my sympathy, sent a text to Romalia's husband with my condolences and made a donation in her memory. For which I was never thanked. The second text was a "happy birthday", to which I responded with thanks. I considered sending Romalia a text for her birthday next month. But then I realized that that is just what a narcissist would want: an opening, an avenue, a way to wiggle her way back into my life. But I can't ever allow that to happen. For me, she is toxic, she is dangerous, she is evil. And I don't ever want her back in my life again. 
My marriage nearly destroyed me emotionally. Thank God, it never got that far with Romalia. But I'm still grieving. Grieving what could have been, what should have been, but not for what really was. I wanted to write this because it's still painful. And I also wanted to point out that the narcissist in your life isn't necessarily your spouse/significant other. And that if a relationship makes you uncomfortable or hurts or has you second guessing yourself, it's time to step back and have a good long look at whether or not continuing in that relationship is actually in your best interests. It may be hard and many people may not understand, but you have to do what's best for you. 
 For those of you who may be struggling in a relationship with a narcissist, I'm going to share a few more links from the same author as The Eight Types of Narcissists, and she also lists some resources. 

Pouring into an Unfillable Bucket - How to Recognize You're in a Relationship with a Narcissist and Care for Yourself
Why Does Loving You Hurt - Understanding Trauma Bonds with a Narcissist
Understanding Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

Whatever struggles you are going through, I wish you peace and wellbeing.